Parenting with Heart

by Madeline Muise, LCSW, LMFT

February –this short cold month- is punctuated by Valentine’s Day. If you’re in the middle of a divorce or recently divorced this reminder of romantic love is painful.

How can you shift your feelings? Turn your attention to those you do love in your life-your children.

When parents are struggling to cope,feeling anxious, depressed or overwhelmed children are left to handle this upheaval in their life on their own.Children often hide their feelings of pain to protect their parents.

What’s a parent to do?

Here are some suggestions I share with my clients.

1) Establish routine in your home. Have a family meeting to talk about changes. Elicit ideas from your children . Don’t be afraid to ask children to help with chores. Research shows that children of divorce develop a sense of responsibility from contributing to the running of the home.

2) Discipline with love. Children feel more secure when they have limits. Remember that the divorce is not the cause of all bad behavior. Don’t let the children get away with behavior
you would not have tolerated before the divorce.
Compassionate discipline requires energy and discernment.

3)Spend time alone with each child. I know you’re super busy as a single parent. Time doesn’t have to mean a couple of hours or half a day. Time alone can be the 10 minute ride to basketball practice or a slice of pizza after grocery shopping.

Warm up February with hugs from your hearts’ treasure-your children.