Finding Your Peace

By Laura D’Orsi

findingpeaceWhat brings you peace? Peace is a relative word. When we hear about what is going on in the world today, it can make us anxious. When we are facing something stressful in our personal life, it can create sleepless nights, weight loss and turmoil. For anyone going through a divorce, there is a great deal of stress and anxiety involved. I recommend that you not ignore this stress and anxiety but find ways to help control and deal with it as it will help you with the divorce process and your future. These are some of the issues my clients have dealt with and how I have responded.

I feel so uncertain, I don’t know what will happen to me.

When you feel uncertain about the divorce process or your future, you must remember that the only person you can “worry” about is you. We have no control over a spouse or what the spouse will do, we can only control what you do. If you are not employed, I would encourage you to seek employment. Even if you will be receiving alimony, it is always best to be in a situation where you have your own income coming in, so that if alimony or child support is late, you can put food on the table or pay your electric bill. It is not healthy to be totally dependent on another person and having your own paycheck coming in is a way to avoid this dependency.

I can’t sleep at night, I can’t eat.

If you are so stressed that the divorce is impacting your daily life, I encourage you to seek help. Again, divorce is a stressful time and many people need the help of a professional to assist them in the process. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. In fact, it is better to place yourself in the healthiest, best position possible. I work with many mental health professionals who are experienced at helping you through the process. Use them. That is what they are there for.

I am so concerned about my children.

Again, it is important for you to take care of yourself. See a doctor. Eat right. Exercise. Take up yoga or meditation. Do all the things to be the best parent that you can be. If you are at your best, this is what you will be for your children. Your best.

What should I do with my life.

A divorce is a great time for a life transition. Perhaps you want to go back to school or reenter the workforce. Maybe you have a wonderful idea for a business you have always wanted to start. Now is the time. I work with life coaches and career coaches who can help put you on the right track in making a transition.

Where will I live.

If you will have to sell your home and move, I encourage you to look at your options. Again, I suggest that they be affordable, where you can pay some or most of it without relying on alimony or child support from an ex spouse. Look at rentals or possible homes to purchase. Again, if you want to purchase a home, you will have to qualify for a mortgage and the mortgage providers will look at your income and the support you will be receiving. Know what your budget is and learn to stick with it.

Save for a rainy day.

If you are coming out of a marriage with savings, do not plan on using those savings to live. Keep them intact and only use the interest. I also encourage clients to speak to a Financial Advisor or Certified Financial Planner to help them in doing a budget, saving and planning for the future. Once you are divorced, your future will be in your own hands, and it is up to you to plan for it. Many older divorced men and women who received alimony after their divorce are now in devastating financial situations once the other spouse retires. You must plan for the future and that starts today.

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